THE SAFEST SPACE FOR MY UNSOLICITED OPINIONS

To be frank, I’m not so sure whether this title gets along with what I’m trying to write about, but just let me put that way if it’s alright with Gwyneth Paltrow.

There are a lot of times when I love to have bold spaces between myself and people. Valuing the time as an individual, traveling most of the time alone, enjoying days off without social interactions, getting myself isolated in my bedroom with books and movies. Being with myself feels good, I guess. Now, here I am, stuck in the corner of my room, sipping a hot cappuccino as usual while pouring my other bursting thoughts.

Riding solo for a few years has really been an experience worth enjoying, but the fact I’m living in a very normal society where some people, mostly the older ones, I met at reunions or weddings propose a similar “when’s your turn?” question, since some of my married friends have already had babies is quite annoying. Every time the topic’s brought up, some of them will say one or two about how I should seek a romantic relationship to tie the knot soon, as if it’s a symbol of adulthood despite I’m (only) 25 years old. They think a young woman would be less happy when she is alone. I know I should’ve been ready to be stigmatized for this.

The reason why I’m enjoying my current situation is NOT because of being so career-oriented or believing a list of science-backed research that says things like women will get fatter or unhealthier after marriage. It’s NOT about that handful of benefits of being single or being coupled or being married, but I just can’t see myself on random dates holding hands with somebody whom I’m not emotionally connected to. I feel I don’t really have much time to only crave a relationship as an escape from loneliness. They don’t know that it’s just nice out here on my own.

However, it kind of also bothers me to see some articles in the magazine that say being single is ultimately beneficial just because we can do flirting without limits or can be anyone we want at any given time. God, really? As a part-time lone wolf, I think there are far better excuses to be all by ourselves than just the “I can be so selfish doing whatever I want” reason.

The most important thing I want to underline, being independently alone doesn’t mean I feel too little after all. This doesn’t prevent me having a feeling or getting drowned in a guilty pleasure when listening to Tori Kelly’s Dear No One. That song sometimes has the capability to make me miss some (imaginary) person who does not even exist and ponder about when exactly the time to be ready to dive in. I won’t deny that someday it’s possible for me to be ready for a serious relationship again. I believe love just happens and everyone gets their time zone. The concept of having and finding a serious commitment only feels wonderful with the right person, doesn’t it?